It happens to the best of us

So I had a pretty big mom fail on Tuesday. Bryce has been extra fussy this last week, I’m not sure if it’s the formula bothering him (I stopped pumping so it’s been 100% formula this week) or if it’s just that he’s barely a month old and still adjusting to life outside the womb. Either way, he’s required a lot more of my attention lately; crying a lot and not wanting to stay down for his naps unless he’s in my arms.  I was sitting on the couch with Bryce and Ayden was on the floor two feet away playing around with a blanket.

He had the blanket over his head so he couldn’t see anything. I don’t know if he was pretending to be a ghost or what but all of a sudden I heard a loud BANG and out of the corner of my eye I could see that Ayden had banged himself, VERY HARD against the corner of the wooden coffee table.  When I tell you that my heart stopped, I felt frozen in time.  Ayden let out a blood curdling scream but in the fraction of a second before that, I knew this was going to be bad.  Really bad.  It was all a blur at this point but I slid down to the floor from the couch, baby in hand, and ripped the blanket off of Ayden only to find a horrendous dent on his forehead between his eye brows that was so deep, it took me a moment to realize that it wasn’t actually cut.  Thank god.

But my poor first baby was in so much pain and scared.  I put the baby down in his rock n play, picked Ayden up off the floor and grabbed the first cold thing I could find from the freezer (a bag of edamame) and then sat on the couch, the two of us, sobbing like I’ve never cried.  My heart was broken.  I’d never seen my child in so much pain as I had in that moment.  And all I could do was sit there and blame myself.  If I had been looking more closely, would he have still gotten hurt.  This was just one of the many blameful thoughts I had circling my mind at that moment. I called my mom in a panic who came over immediately to comfort me.

Luckily Ayden is ok.  I called his doctor who told me to watch him closely for signs of a concussion but said that most likely he would only end up with a big bump. Needless to say, children are resilient.  He was playing and jumping around a mere hour later but my wounds from the trauma are taking just a little longer to heal.

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